Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Challenge of Intimate Relationships:
Developing Healthy Attachment and Sexuality in Couples Therapy
On July 10, 2009, SSPA therapist Elizabeth Perwin will address a group of local therapists at the Silver Spring Library on the theory and practice of working with couples based on the “Passionate Marriage” approach developed by David Schnarch. Elizabeth has been treating couples in psychotherapy for more than 10 years. She has participated in extensive trainings, workshops and couples work herself. Her insightful and challenging style of couples therapy is described briefly below.
Partners understandably look to each other to satisfy emotional needs, and to provide validation and empathy. While these are often the traits we look for in a “good relationship,” couples can become overly reliant on each other to maintain a personal sense of well being. Cultural notions of love relationships, as well as certain popular styles of couples counseling, can inadvertently reinforce too much closeness—called emotional fusion--while masquerading as healthy attachment.
In fused relationships, couples expect or even demand that their partners soothe and support them. They may feel angry and betrayed if this assurance is not forthcoming in the particular way they want it. Fused relationships inevitably generate high conflict and/or high avoidance. Partners may feel puzzled by the conflict or withdrawal because the support and care they are asking for is so reasonable. Becoming reactive and personalizing their hurt can escalate to a familiar, painful dynamic that never resolves, leaving couples feeling angry, confused and unhappy.
Understanding how this fused system works can lead partners to a more mature and differentiated relationship. Reduced conflict, greater compassion and improved sexuality are typical byproducts of the “Passionate Marriage” approach to couples therapy. This approach can help unlock the couple’s destructive dance by allowing each partner to develop independently while remaining connected to each other. This results in much happier and significantly enriched intimate relationships.
Developing Healthy Attachment and Sexuality in Couples Therapy
On July 10, 2009, SSPA therapist Elizabeth Perwin will address a group of local therapists at the Silver Spring Library on the theory and practice of working with couples based on the “Passionate Marriage” approach developed by David Schnarch. Elizabeth has been treating couples in psychotherapy for more than 10 years. She has participated in extensive trainings, workshops and couples work herself. Her insightful and challenging style of couples therapy is described briefly below.
Partners understandably look to each other to satisfy emotional needs, and to provide validation and empathy. While these are often the traits we look for in a “good relationship,” couples can become overly reliant on each other to maintain a personal sense of well being. Cultural notions of love relationships, as well as certain popular styles of couples counseling, can inadvertently reinforce too much closeness—called emotional fusion--while masquerading as healthy attachment.
In fused relationships, couples expect or even demand that their partners soothe and support them. They may feel angry and betrayed if this assurance is not forthcoming in the particular way they want it. Fused relationships inevitably generate high conflict and/or high avoidance. Partners may feel puzzled by the conflict or withdrawal because the support and care they are asking for is so reasonable. Becoming reactive and personalizing their hurt can escalate to a familiar, painful dynamic that never resolves, leaving couples feeling angry, confused and unhappy.
Understanding how this fused system works can lead partners to a more mature and differentiated relationship. Reduced conflict, greater compassion and improved sexuality are typical byproducts of the “Passionate Marriage” approach to couples therapy. This approach can help unlock the couple’s destructive dance by allowing each partner to develop independently while remaining connected to each other. This results in much happier and significantly enriched intimate relationships.
For more information about Elizabeth's upcoming training and couples therapy, please call (301) 589-5089.
posted by Laurie Young # 1:14 PM 
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